I am a success at failure ...
This morning I did not wake up ... my drive was gone.
I wanted to QUIT ... seriously I had a moment that just demoralised me to the core. It feels like someone had put a 200kg weight on my chest. I said to myself ... I do not want to do this anymore - I am fed up with my lack of success. I am fed up with putting effort and energy into the things I am best at and not receiving even just enough to cover the basics in life. I am asking that BIG question ... WHY, WHY, WHY?
I am lying in bed. My wife is breasting feeding our 3 month old, I know I have to get up, show up and live my own expectations for them and my 2 boys. But I can't, I'm stuck.
I am searching for my "LIFE ON SWITCH" I cannot find it ... I cannot start this day. That thing that has happened has paralyzed me to the core - I feel life disabled. The out of order sign is hanging on the door to my thinking.
My wife says: have you got a nappy - I am still half asleep, basically in an awake coma - the mind takes over and pushes the autopilot button ... I consciously do not know where I am going, I am just up and going ... all I hear is find a nappy. I get that and mindlessly do my parent duty and change the nappy. All the while consciously all I hear in my mind is ... I just want to QUIT. I am spent force. And then that strong voice starts to speak softly and confidently ... I listen because it is very familiar.
Imagine this scene ... it is like you mind is a hotel lobby and over in the corner is this daper gentlemen like figure sitting on a grey couch with one leg up and crossed over at the knee, holding a newspaper - I cannot see the face ... and the voice says .... and if you QUIT Rob, whatever would you do? Would you, can you seriously see yourself doing nothing - can you see yourself not making a contribution. He soothes me by saying - I know the silence is killing you, I know the perception of lack of success is a left over from your attachment to money ... but you know you are the #ironmind ... if you do not stand, then you cannot life others. It is a big burden to carry, but it is yours - we have talked about his - you have a universal strength and if you stop now ... you will not deliver that impact in the world. The world needs your heart, the world needs your thinking, the world needs your wisdom ... the world just needs you. And right now we know this feeling is just a moment and in this moment remember and remind yourself of the path you have conquered.
And he finishes with ... get up for YOU, show up for YOU ... YOU are the priority and as YOU steadily get back to your creed this morning - Be Present in Life - you will refill yourself with everything you need. And most of all be proud of this moment because we both know that your ability to be fallible and vulnerable to yourself is a key thing people love about you, so love it about yourself. BE PROUD and step forward ... you always had it ... and you are ready to go get it.
And then he fades away and briefly I see a face that represents all these people that are guiding my life ... some I recognise, some I don't and this reassures me that I still have so many guides to meet in my life ... I have re-met the Superhero Inside me.
If you have read this through ... I thank-you. I do not share this to inspire you ... I share this because I want you to know that self-doubt is a powerful emotion and it comes down to how you respond ... I sincerely intend for you to find your daper gentlemen on the grey couch in the hotel lobby and listen to his wisdom - as it is yours.
From Personal Growth Skpetic to Addict - share my jounrey through insight mindset perspective - the gift of wisdom I have become extrememyl grateful for.